Are You Discouraging Your Children?

I had to run to the store the other day to pick up Old Bay Seasoning to make our salmon patties (see the recipe in one of the older posts) and so I left the boys at home with Handyman and ran to our local general store. I jumped out of the car and just as I was zipping into the store I heard in the most hateful voice, "Don't talk to me that way!" Eww... the tone flew all over me. I whirled around expecting a woman/mom to be talking to a teenager (not that it would be excusable, but this tone is what I normally hear in those teenage situations), but no... UGH... instead she was snapping a toddler into her vehicle and using that hateful, ugly voice.

Immediately I thought in my sometimes all too self-righteous mind, "I'm glad I don't speak to my children like that." But the reality is, that in my very human instinct I do sometimes snap and say, "Hush" or "You will not speak to me that way." or "Stop it. You are being disobedient." And yes there are times when I say it and definitely not with a nice voice... purely out of frustration or aggravation my sin flows so quickly from my mouth. What is so frustrating about it is that as soon as I do, the reaction from Big D is almost always anger and defensive. My sinful reaction is simply causing the situation to be worse and my actions are not reflective of an attitude of Christ. It makes me wince to think of it.
In those moments, God is quick to chasten me and bring to mind 2 verses of scripture:
Col 3:21, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."
Eph 6:4, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

In those seconds as soon as that bad tone leaves my mouth and God so quickly convicts me, I ask my 4 year old son for forgiveness for my bad attitude.  I try to use those moments as an example of how when we say things that make God sad and make others sad and that when we do, we should ask for forgiveness. In the same way, it's an opportunity for me to point out how when he uses that "ugly voice" with me that it makes me sad and makes God sad too because He wants us to love each other.  Big D knows that we want to live our lives in a way that makes God happy and when those times arise where we do something we shouldn't, all we have to do is ask for forgiveness and God will immediately accept. (Thank God for forgiveness!)

Most days, when we have some kind of conflict, I intentionally take a breathe before I respond; take one long breathe and think for a moment before I say a word. The problem with words is that as soon as they leave your mouth, you can never take them back... never. It's amazing that on those days when a ball of emotions erupts into a fit from Big D, that a calm and thoughtful, but prudent reaction of discipline on my part is almost calming. Maybe it's because he knows that with certain reactions comes certain forms of discipline. And when it's carried out consistently he knows what he's getting in to when he lets his frustration get out of control.

Ending on a good note though, (I've stolen this from some friends and family), once the conflict is over, the discipline has been administered and apologies have been given we hug, we forgive and we move on. If we are suppose to bring up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord, doesn't he forgive our sin "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" ~Psalm 103:12 then shouldn't we also forgive our childrens' wrong-doings equally? My friend says that "once it's over, it's over, we hug and we go back to being a happy little family." Don't let those sinful moments ruin your day!